I had a Chinese blog, Bigapple’s Sky, in msn, where I purely blog in Chinese. I started that in June, 2007 while I am working and staying in Beijing. It feels great to have a place to write down my thoughts, my feelings, things I learned and especially the unforgettable moments of my life. I absolutely love it. As a Chinese, I always feel that I can best express my thoughts in Chinese.

However, it’s a pity that my “foreign” friends cannot read them at all. After spending 10 years in U.S., I do have some good friends who are not Chinese. Well, I still call non-Chinese as “foreigner” since I consider myself a Chinese citizen. It sounds a little bit weird since I am currently in United States and I am blogging here in English. I am actually the “foreigner” here, not them.

To give my non Chinese-speaking friends a chance to read my mind is just one reason for me to start this English blog. Another reason is I move back to United States this year. I feel starting an English blog is the right thing to do. I cannot live in an Enlgish-speaking world and pretend I am in China (just have a little bit more “foreigners” around) anymore. I used to and I know a lot of other Chinese do. To face the reality, I must constantly remind myself by speaking, writing and thinking in English. It’s the only way if I want to fully enjoy my immigrant life in United States.

It’s kind of funny that I needed to go back to China and stay in Beijing for two and half years to think that through. When I was here in United States, I couldn’t face it. I was enduring an “identity-crisis” like many other immigrants. I couldn’t open my heart to fully appreciate the beauty and greatness of the United States because I feared that was not a proper thing to do if I consider myself as a Chinese. It’d be a kind of betrayal to my motherland.

Now, I changed my mind, totally. Thanks to my stay in China. I finished the hard process of solidating the foundation of my identity. I am a genuine Chinese. There is no question about it. I was soaked in Chinese and Chinese culture while I was in China. Not only I spent a lot of time with my family and friends, but also I read and watched all the news about Politics and Economy. I took a 1.5 hour subway ride to work as many young Chinese worker does everyday. I listened to the Beijing opera mp3 on my way and I loved it. I went to visit all the ancient temples scattered all around Beijing and enjoyed the genuine Chinese food in small restaurants in the street. I haven’t felt so Chinese for such a long time ever since I went to study in U.S. 10 years ago. It just felt great!

Then I realized why I couldn’t be open-minded enough to enjoy American culture. Like Gandhi said, “I like to open the window and welcome the winds from all directions. But I don’t like to be blown away by the wind”. Without a deep root on my own culture, I am afraid that I will be blown away. Now, I am not afraid anymore.

So, here I am writing in English. That doesn’t means I don’t like Chinese or don’t want to write in Chinese anymore. I will continue to write in Chinese in my Chinese blog, Bigapple’s Sky. Who said you can only have one blog? 🙂

Life is short. We should enjoy the life as much as we can. Don’t let the languages or country borders get in your way!

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